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願い: Singing, Inferiority, Pain... Saturday, 18 January 2014 | 0 comment[s] Urgh. Does my piano teacher really have to draw on me? Like, seriously, I agree that it helped but he had no right to draw on me because I just got annoyed. Lmfao. Kept it in as usual but hey, at least I was remembering my notes again and stuff. Gotta finish my book too so that I can start on the next level otherwise I'm really going to die in school. I also realised, that I find it quite hard to play different things on both hands. :I Seriously. Haha. Oh, he told me to sing at the end of the lesson because I forgot how to play 'Happy Birthday' and well... I couldn't. Haha. You could hear me softly but it wsan't exactly singing because my voice sounded so... airy I guess. Ever since my little thing with my dad and Davison... I can't sing. When I try it just sounds so raspy so I stop. I guess to be honest, I'm just really pained to the point I can't sing. I feel so inferior.. It hurts... I feel as though I lost the reason why I smile. So all I've been doing is faking these smile, trying to fake my pain. But all I'm doing is causing myself more pain, all these thoughts of inferiority, these thoughts of fear, this feeling as though I lost the one thing that made me smile... I'm just so.. so scared... It hurts... The only time...When I'm not trying to hide my pain and when I actually do smile is when I'm alone, thinking of the memories that I've had with Davison, having countless thoughts. When I woke up last night from one of the nightmares I've already had (horror-related), I'd think of a certain dream I had several nights before between Davison and I. That one dream comforted me and made me smile. I feel so lost... This pain I have in my chest is aching each day. I just... want everything to go back to the way it was before I just... killed everything... |
