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â‚° Over Sunday, 4 August 2013 | 0 comment[s] Once again, I cry at night. Two fucking nights in a row. Dad lectured me, and made me feel so freaking bad. In the middle of when he was lecturing me.. Dad teared up and made me feel worse than I already was.. He forced me... TO choose between family and love. I don't want to choose any. I'm grateful... For them giving birth to me, I'm grateful to them for being my parents, but the one thing I want.. Is my freedom. But I can't. Last night, I was told just because my parents gave birth to me... They can control what I do. They're going to control my life. All I want, is my own freedom. To be able to do the things I want. And... I'm upset. Talking to Davison earlier about this... He wants me to choose my family... I hate this. I fucking hate it. I don't want to lose him, yet I have to.. And because of that... We broke up... Because of my fucking parents. I had to leave the one I love so freaking much. Even though i told him... I'd never leave him... I was forced to.. Now I'm in just fucking pain. Been fucking crying, ever since. I had to go to a relative's to eat... And I went to the room.. Where I first heard his voice.. And that brought up so many memories, that I broke down in there before actually crying myself to sleep again. I woke up, and teared up because all of the memories I had with him... Resurfaced, the ones where he made me feel loved, the ones where I fucking hurt him, every single one. Even the one where we first met. Everything, just fucking hurts. He was one of the only reasons why.. I didn't go anti social, that I'm like this. That he's the only reason why I was able to smile again. Now, because I'm forced to leave him.. I'm just going to go anti social. Everything that happened in grade nine'll happen again. Even though I don't want it to happen, it's going to happen. Especially with all the pain I'm going through right now. Not even talking to anyone. My chest is just fucking tightening. I'm sniffling, on the verge of crying all over again. It just hurts... I'm sorry Davison. That you had to put up with me, that you had to go through all of the pain I put you through, but I'm really sorry.. That you had to go through all the crap my parents are putting us through. I'm really, really sorry. I hope... That you're willing to wait... Just like I am. Even though we're apart... I'm still going to always love you. And everything I said, everything about me going to you in two years... I'm still going to make that happen. I love you, Davison and as I said before, this love will never end. "See you later", I am told to say. Haha.. Sometimes... Things just have to repeat..Sometimes.. these things happen for a reason... Maybe.. There's something better up ahead.. |
