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â‚° Done, Finished Sunday, 9 June 2013 | 0 comment[s] Well then... Screw you too. How many times has it been, how many times have I cried because of you. More than it can be accounted for. How many times, have you stopped to think about my feelings, guess my thoughts? None. That's right, you don't know anything about my life, stop treating me as you do. You didn't know, I had troubles making friends, you don't know what it's like to grow up in this generation, the generation of technology. You don't know how it feels like, to be insulted by your own family members, being threatened to be disowned more than once. You know nothing about me. Nothing. You don't know how many times, have I thought of lecturing you, be the one to lecture, not the one receiving it. You don't understand how it feels like, to be isolated, alone, lonely for who knows how long. You don't even get the fact that my laptop, my phone, anything I use to "chat online" is my key of freedom. You don't have the right, to strip me away from my freedom. It's no surprise... That kids these days want to go suicidal... Parents are a part. To be honest, I actually did want to kill myself. But my snowman prevented me from doing it. Haha. I honestly broke down again, because of my parents. Dad took away laptop, after wanting to hit me in the face or head with it and mum made me delete Skype and facebook on my phone. I'm pretty much stripped from my freedom. It's starting to become grade nine all over again... Hmm... Should I hide in school...? I actually didn't have the energy to do anything. I was so tired, both of life and from crying. Haha. Had to force myself to eat. Haha. Well, it all started at the fact that I was reading and had several distractions. Mum goes off at me for being on the laptop the whole time. She yells at me, telling me to not be online, when all she did was to tell me to get off the laptop because I apparently had been on for too long. I had only been on for three hours... When my siblings had been on more than me... Then she makes me delete my apps and yells at me, "If you want to, I'm willing to send you to the person you're talking to so much and live with them." So she's pretty much willing to disown me. Just like my dad, threatening to disown me more than once. I started crying and then dad comes in and starts yelling at me, for crying. And then goes off, telling me that I'm a girl and that what do I do all day, online? Well, excuse the fact that I can't go out because of you, after you fucking restricted me when you made me break down last time, excuse the fact I've become socially awkward as somewhat anti-social, excuse the fucking fact, that I feel happier being online than alone. Dad then takes laptop, about to hit me with it, but then he just grabbed all the wires and ripped it from my laptop (the charger and iPhone chord) and then took it into my parents' room. Telling me to go return it to school when I first go back. Hah, what's the fucking point? You've already paid for it and you're not going to get a refund that way. Also, adding to the fact that ALL OF MY GOD DAMN ASSESSMENT IS IN THAT LAPTOP, why would I return huh? For fucks sakes, BE IN MY SHOES, TRY FIGHTING ALL THE DEPRESSION YOU GIVE ME YET I STILL HAVE TO SMILE, TRY GOING THROUGH EVERYONE'S EXPECTATIONS. I fucking had enough. I just crawled into bed and cried. But because I had my kindle with me, I was able to talk to my snowman. They were there for me, when I couldn't smile, just cried and cried. Even though they should've been enjoying themselves at the party, they still stuck by me. I do feel a bit bad because of that but yeah, I won't be because they wouldn't let me either way. Haha. But thanks to them... I got better, in about three or four hours. Thank them, for being able to cheer me up. Because in all honesty, I would've been depressed for the rest of the day, if it wasn't for them. Take note, this all happened at four in the evening. So I would've been depressed to the point I cried myself to sleep if it wasn't for them. Haha. Thank you, Plue, for sticking by me. Haha, been awhile since I've called you that, haven't I? But yeah, thank you so much, for being there for me. You honestly don't know how much you mean to me. Hehe. I hope you had fun at your party, after I fell asleep on you. Well, I'm typing this like at five in the morning so I'm going to go back to sleep. Randomly woke up and yeah. Good night. If you're in need, find someone who will be there for you. Just them being there, can change a person's feelings. |
