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â‚° Negativity Friday, 7 June 2013 | 0 comment[s] I... I broke down at school, for the third time... In public, in a place where everyone could have seen, in a place where it was so obvious... First thing in the morning too. Got to school, sat down... Hugged my knees and cried for a full 20-30 minutes straight. To be honest, I actually would've cried longer if I wasn't forced to go to class by one of my friends. Haha. Especially because I was going to be late to class. Haha. Like... I had to cover one of my eye so that I could hide one of my bloodshot eyes. I obviously needed to see so that I could walk across the school to get to my class. Haha. Funny... No one in my class noticed that I was depressed as hell; only until the looked at my face, my bloodshot eyes, did they notice that something was up. But that was only after class. When we had to move to another subject, a classmate of mine was talking to another and then when she finished talking to that friend, she bumped into me. Then she goes: "Oh hi Vivian." Hah, just shows that I'm invisible. Haha. Not to be expected, I've always been invisible, always have always will. When I went to my class, I honestly wanted to hit myself for breaking down in school. To be honest, I really hate being sad at school. I really, really hate it. Especially if I break down, because they'd know how weak I am, how vulnerable I am. Urgh, when my teacher saw, she asked what happened. I didn't say anything. I actually didn't even talk the whole day. Not a word was uttered from me, for the whole day. If I wanted to talk, I just took at my phone and typed out the words on the note, or if I was in class, I talked through the laptops. Then when it was break... I didn't want to eat. Friend literally had to force feed me two cookies so that I had eaten something. But after that, I didn't even eat or touch anything else. Just sat in a corner, hugging my knees, tears falling down here and there. And then, at the end of the day... I pretty much forced myself to be happier, even though I couldn't even smile. Even though I felt broken inside, I tried to cheer others up even though I couldn't cheer up myself. Haha. I guess I'm one of those girls who can cheer up others but can't even cheer herself up. Haha. Oh wells. Cousin-in-law thought I was PMSing as well. Haha. When I first talked, to my cousin, my voice... Sounded so... Freaking low... Didn't even sound like my voice at all. Haha... Oh wells. Meh. All because of two simple things. Pain and distance. Meh. Well, I resolved that. Haha... Somewhat. But yeah. I have one question: Who still reads my blog? If you still have means of contact with me... Tell me if you still read my blog. Haha. I'm just curious as to who still reads it. And... Aunt goes off at me. Haha. gawd damn. Adults these days. Don't like me whatsoever. So yeah. I'ma go. Good bye. Pain is inevitable, it can't be stopped. It can be temporarily soothed, but it cannot be erased. |
