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â‚° Slave Wednesday, 3 April 2013 | 0 comment[s] So my dad has been really agitated today. Kicked the bunk bed just for me to wake up so that I can hang out the clothes because he apparently had to do something. Really... And then when he went to go get our lunch, my siblings wanted subway and it was a pain in the ass for then to order it because my dad couldn't pronounce it correctly so he just gave the phone to the shop owner and I have mine to my sibling so that they can order. Who would've thought, ordering subway over the phone. Haha. I didn't for sure but yeah. When he can home, he told us to stay outside and eat. So that's what we did. But then it started to rain, and I told him that the laundry was going to get wet, he tells us off. "What are you doing?! Why are you still sitting there?! BRING IN THE LAUNDRY." It irritate me because he tells us to stay outside to eat and then tells us off to bring in the laundry. I'm sure of it. He hates me. Because of all of that, the times he goes off at me, the times he threatens me. He has the nerve to go ask me to do things. I.. I really am a slave. This life... This life has no purpose. Just a broken, unfinished doll. A puppet, a puppet used for other people's purposes, benefits.. I.. I really don't have anything that is called mine... Nothing. And it really is painful. The things I want, they're never with me. The things I need, they're so far away. It hurts. It really does hurt. That frustrated me and then... These things happened. I hurt a really close friend of mine, I got irritated and almost lashed out on everyone and now I'm over thinking. As quoted from somewhere, "Over-thinking leads to negative thoughts." And yes, I have them right now. Am I meeting their expectations? Am I good enough? Is what I'm doing the correct? All of it. It hurts so freaking much. I feel worthless, unnoticeable, useless. That's what I am, useless. I can't even amend my mistake, I suck horribly when it comes to comfort, I don't even know what to do if someone's sad! I try to like, cause a joke or some sort but it doesn't always work. Sometimes, it just back fires. Okay, I'm tired. Cried for a bit while I was typing that. Bleh. All the feelings I felt when my dad came back. That feeling of being ignored, that feeling of unwanted. Meh. Oh wells. I'm going to try talk and make it up to them. Goodnight. :). I'm sorry for hurting you. Sorry for making you feel bad. It wasn't all your fault. Remember that, please. "Over-thinking can cause negative thoughts." |
