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â‚° Work Experience - 4 Thursday, 28 March 2013 | 0 comment[s] I got the hang of everything at work exeperience, funny how I got the lang of it on the last day. Haha. Well, I guess it's to be expected. It's like that. It's always like that. I'm sorry for making you feel useless... Well. What I'm going to say next... It.. It might make you feel so much empathy for me so... I'd advice you to stop if you're going to end up crying again... Especially you neechan. I'm sorry. I could't keep your promise. I tried. I couldn't. You're always there for me, you always try to make me smile. Well, I'm going to be crying while I'm typing this because it's too painful and heartbreaking to think about it. So like, my friend is hosting this party and all tomorrow right? I finally got my dad's permission after a week of letting them think about it, I'll be honest. They didn't even think about it. I had to freaking ask them again, insead of them just telling me. Fark. Well, yeah. He took that permission back and instead grounded me for trying to help a fucking friend. Like. What am I? A fucking selfish person who won't let a friend borrow their go card? Because of my dad, I can't hang out with them anymore. I have to stay away from them. I have to fucking ignore them now. I've lost three friends, thanks to them, my parents that is. THREE. You do know, how fucking painful it is? And because of that one freaking thing, they go off at me. I get that it had $49 in it (my go card that is), but I trusted that friend. He even gave back the money he used. If you're wondering how he knew or found out? I just casually said it to my dad when he asked me where I was, and I answered, hoping that he'd understand. But no. HE. JUST. FUCKING. GOES. OFF. AT. ME. Yeah, he goes off at me. And then grounds me. Oh, it gets a whole load better. He then tells me, not to bother trying to ask him if I can go to any outings anymore, yes. That includes Supanova. All the disappointment, the ones that have sponsored, especially you guys, Nelson and Suzanne. You guys wanted to see that cosplay so much. Even hosting it, the sponsoring that is. You guys went around, asking people to sponsor me. And then, we even have the costume ready... But it's most likely going to waste... If I can't go that is.. You know you're not. So. I get home, I get into bed, just wanting to sleep it off. But no, my dad freaking opens the door and tells me off to go take a shower. I didn't listen the first time, or the second, then the third he tells me off again, and then threatens to disown me. For the fucking third time. Does he really hate me that much? If he does, he should've just let me be me, and not care about me, let me do what I want - not giving me that false feeling of being loved, of having somone I could turn to if I had problems. But yeah, I took that shower. Fucking cried for like, I don't know. Five to ten minutes in it? I just cried and cried. My eyes stung, my lips swelled up, I couldn't breathe properly from trying to hold it in, my heart ached so much from thinking, remembering and replaying that stupid thing over and over again. Like a broken record. I couldn't even smile. When I tried, it hurt too much. I just ended up tearing up again. It was too painful. Well... Yeah. A bit long and depressing, so I'm sorry. For you having to read this. For having to put up with my rants. I'm sorry. Umm... Yeah.. Hmm, just noticed. Even though I'm an extremely honest person, I cover up my pain and try to make the other happy. Then again, I don't care much about myself, I care more of others than me. It's how I am, I look after the other, but I don't look after myself. Hah. And it works, so you're not, okay? Well, I'm tired. And drained. Want to sleep, but I can't. Scared I'll end up crying myself to sleep. My eyes are still red from the tears but yeah... Oh wells. Bye. Admist it all, you have to smile. |
