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â‚° Nineteenth Day Friday, 9 November 2012 | 0 comment[s] Today... By far is really the worst. I felt guility in 3/4 of a lesson because of something even though it wasn't my fault. I think someone came in and took the cord without saying anything, and because it was my responsibility (I booked the dance studio)... I felt guilty. But because of that, I did really bad in my practices... All I could feel was guilt... Then after school, I got into trouble because of my dad - he went off at me once he found out that I had put money into my cousin's card... I really... I was really saddened. He yelled at me, not knowing anything that goes in my life. He yelled at me, saying that I WHINED to go to the Japan tour... I never did... I only asked once... Why does he make assumptions? And then he threatened me, saying that he'd cancel my trip... Even if he lost five fucking grand. Why would he do such a thing? Really... It's a waste... And the fact that I know he's willing to disown me... Really hurts but then again... I have to put up with this shit nearly once every week. And then there's my mum, she raged at me. Not knowing what I have to go through. She doesn't know what it's like to be in my spot. She doesn't know what it's like to be trapped inside a house while my younger siblings gets to go out. It really hurts. It really hurts that I have to be the one that fufills all of their fucking needs. I have to what THEY want me to. Why? Why can't I be what I want to be? Why is it that all of my freedom is stripped away from me? I'm really starting to become more and more unstable... At this rate, I'll never achieve my dreams... I really won't.... Anyhow... I'll go and start on my homework now... Instead of crying and typing this. Yes, I fucking cried, once again. I'm starting to really hate myself. I really am. Ah, and here I am being a hypocrite. I'm telling people to love and respect themselves while here I am... Wanting to bash myself... I really wanted to make my hands bleed countless times today. I wanted to punch something. To be specific I wanted to punch something... glass. Heh, I really am becoming horrific, aren't I? Well, I'll go now. Bye... What you are... Will always be what you'll be. |
