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I hate this fear. Thursday 15 November 2018 | 0 comment[s] Who would've thought that three years later, I'm still traumatised over one small thing. I repeat, one small thing. It was you complaining to someone else about how I kept on insisting you go sleep early. And then after that you pretty much yelled at me. I never realised now but because of that I'm too scared to do anything. I'm scared of the rejection. And this is all because I cared about your health. It's gotten to the point where I try to steer my thoughts and be like, "They're old enough to look after themselves; I'm not their mother. I don't have a say in what they do." But really, it's because I'm too scared to do anything. I especially hate how it makes me feel. I'm already annoyed because of the fact that I'm still traumatised over this. And then when I tell people that I'd prefer it if they slept early but the choice is up to them, and yet when they choose to stay up, I get annoyed at them. Then I get more mad at myself for feeling that way. I enjoyed the times we had together and when I found out that I was a possible rebound, I didn't hate you. Even if I was a rebound, the times we had together were okay. But the one thing I do hate, is the fact that you did this to me. Instilled this fear that I can't seem to shake away. I hate it. I hate how just thinking about this is enough for me to just tear up and want to cry. I hate how there's this clenching in my chest. I hate this fucking fear I have. I just fucking hate... how pathetic I am... |
