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æ„›: Pabo ya Sunday, 8 June 2014 | 0 comment[s] You idiot, Vivian. I regret going to sleep just so that I could shake off the dread feeling I had in my chest. I admit, I was being selfish when Davison didn't reply for a hour and then I just decided to go to sleep when he was probably doing something else.. Made me feel like shit. I'm just being too selfish nowadays. Thinking that all he does is talk to me. Haha. Holy shit man, I don't know why I'm so selfish nowadays. I used to never ask for things and yet.. When things don't go right I just... Do stuff... That just aren't me. Haha. Because the after math of that... Is having him barely talk to me now while I still have this gut feeling of dread in my chest. It just makes me feel as though I'm restricting him and I don't want to do that to him. I want him to be free because that's how much I trust him - to the point that I trust him with my life to be honest. And yet... The things I'm doing.. The actions that I take... It just makes it seem as though I'm restricting him and it just makes me so sad and angry at myself because I don't want to do that to him. I don't want to be those type of girlfriends who stops their boyfriends from doing the things they want. I don't want to become like that. And yet... here I am.. Slowly turning into one.. Just.. What the hell is wrong with me.. Because to be honest, I'm scared that if I do stuff like that.. I'd end up losing him. The mere thought of losing him just hurts like fuck. To be honest, just typing this is making me teary and man, it feels as though there's a hole in my chest. I don't want to lose him, ever. I'm just really in love this guy. Two weeks ago, I had this dream where I was jealous over something. It hurt a lot in that dream. And when I woke up... There was like this hot pain in my chest. Like my heart was ripped out. I'm pretty sure I know what a hollow feels like now. (Bleach reference. Hah.) Because I ended up crying so much because of that. It just hurt so god damn bad... Tutor was the usual. Still need to finish off a couple of questions though before I finish. need to do my English and Chemistry too. Hmm. But first, I'm going to have to practice the piano since well, yeah. I have my exam today and hopefully, my last lesson for piano. Haha. Yay. Good luck to me. Edit: And I ended up getting 99%. Lmfao. Mouse ended up shifting up one of the notes without me noticing but oh wells. Good enough. Just one wrong. Meh. |
