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希望: "Paranoid" Thursday, 17 October 2013 | 0 comment[s] Paranoid: "Of charactersied by, or suffering from the mental condition of paranoia." Paranoia: "A mental condition charactersied by delusions of persecution, unwarranted jealousy, exaggerated self-importance..." That's how I've been feeling like the whole day. After one really bad nightmare that made me tear up. I've been wanting to cry the whole day. This nightmare... Pretty much put a huge hole in my heart right now. Especially because it relates to Davison and... Since we barely talk anymore, it's just pretty much causing me even more distress. I've been tearing up during school here and there, places where no one would see me. If there were people around... I'd just put up a mask, a facade so that people wouldn't notice. Luckily for me... No one noticed. After school on the bus... I actually ended up crying for a bit but I pretended to sleep and hid my face so yeah. Everything these days... Are really starting to make me suffer. I don't know why... I just... Feel as though everything is coming apart again... That everything's falling apart even though everything just came back... I'm pretty much on the brink of crying right now; it just hurts so god damn much... I'm starting to feel... As though what happened last month... Is going to happen again... If that happens... I... I really... wouldn't be able to cope anymore... Thinking about it right now... Is tearing my heart into pieces... It hurts... Market Day today. The year 11 Business students and grade nine students were selling food for their projects I guess. Year 11 is probably assignment, nine is most likely for their SLP thing. Haha. Bought a cupcake for Linh since her class was selling things, bought chocolate-dipped strawberries which were alright... I guess... Gave the other half to a friend. Haha. And some mint ice cream. Got to music late because of the ice cream thing but meh. Haha. There was an anime club as well which I went just for the fun of it. I had a feeling one of the teachers that I knew was in charge of it and I was right. Lmfao. It was a bit expected since she cosplays after all. haha. Stayed in the club watching K-ON the Movie until break ended. Haha, luckily for me I was in the same room so yeah. Haha. Sigh. I just feel like breaking apart now.. To be honest, I've been feeling like this for the past few days. I try to get rid of it, like yesterday with readers' cup. Urgh... I really just... want to crawl into bed and break down... Haha.. |
