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â‚° Resemblance Saturday, 13 April 2013 | 0 comment[s] I'm sorry, this day is just going to be a post full of ranting and feelings... Not good ones too. So... Stop reading if you don't want to read something somewhat saddening. And yes, I know I just contradicted myself when I said I'll try to be happier. Haha. So in Vietnamese school today... My teacher was talking about things that reminded and resembled about me so much... And not in a good way too. So basically, she was telling us that we should tell our parents too look in the children's point of view. And that made me think of the time, when I cried so much, and for so hard. No, not when my cousin wasted five hours of my life that I can never take back, but rather the recent one, of the one my dad going off at me. And thinking about it, my parents would've went off at me for talking back. Haha. And then, uneven treatment from parents made me think about siblings going to birthday party at a young age and I couldn't. Haha. Neechan patted me on the back when it all started though. Because she knew about this blog, about the mishaps in my life, about the reason why apparently my smiles 'felt different'. Haha. Neechan, I know you were worried when you asked if I wanted to go to the bathroom, but yeah. I didn't want to. I knew I was going to break down. And yes, I was tearing when Miss was talking about it. Haha. Pretty obvious with the way I was hiding myself behind the hoodie and the way I had my hands covering my face. And then I pretended as though nothing happened. Haha, gomen ne. And then, later into the day, I started being a total bitch to a couple of friends. I was frustrated with their constant spamming and teasing, with their continous treatment as though I'm just an idiot. Why is it... Why is it that I'm the one who breaks friendships... Oh... I think it's because I keep everyone away from me, an old habit of where I kept everyone at bay. Haha, I still am. I don't want anyone to be involved with my affairs. I'm sorry, I don't think I can be happier. Because later on. Talking about something, I remembered when I was alone in primary... I think... I think that's still happening.. I really can't keep myself from being what I was, I can't change myself. I just can't.. I need to stop these delusions of thinking I can. I'm sorry, I'm starting to feel like shiet, I can't type anymore. I feel as though I got into this mini fight with my closest friend just then My chest is starting to tighten, I feel like crying now. Fuck it. I'm going to sleep. I'm sorry. But goodnight. I'm sorry for making you feel bad. I knew it. I should have keep my mouth shut, I knew I shouldn't have said anything... I'm sorry. Don't try to change, it only screws you over. Especially if it's for someone else. |
